“So.” I wanted to ask her, “If your dog went out for its daily walk and came back mangled by another animal or a car, would you kick it, yell at it and chase it out of your life?”
I knew she was kind hearted and loved animals. How could she treat anyone
so cruelly? It makes no sense. Yet, there I was standing on her doorstep after traveling eight hours. I had had enough. I was injured and finally beginning to realize it. I knew I wanted only one thing. “I’ve come home,” I said, imagining the prodigal son and his father. Her answer was short and sharp. “So what?”
Recently, I came across her blog. She is a published writer now. I ordered her book and read some of her blog. She was the same sensitive person I remembered. I do not understand the inconsistency. I discontinued reading her blog. I could not read her book. It was too painful. I remembered the person who wrote every day for a year. I remembered the life I once held. I know I will never reach the potential of what might have been. Even when I finally reclaimed who I once was, forty years have passed. The potential of what might have been is gone. What will be is something completely different from what might have been. I reaffirm placing myself and my future completely into God’s hands. I am His servant. My life is His to do with as He pleases.
We live in different worlds, those of us who have lived through this. We seem like poison to these who have not seen our world. We might bite someone. Our paths crossed, but our worlds will never meet. God has a certain mission for her and a completely different mission for me.
The two are not compatible. She goes to the right, my path is to the left. She takes the high road, I take the low. She can never understand me or the people to whom God has sent me. We live with our pain. Together we become strong. Together we become healthy.
ceg
Written 9/05/17