An interesting note.
These last two weeks have been interesting. When I first started writing this it was as if I had been frozen and was thawing out. Today, it is as if everything is thawed. I look across the panorama of the last fifty years and see the damage, the hurt and pain. I see it all. Everything I was too numb to feel or respond to at the time. All the hurts and pains. Now, I see it all at once.
I am not worried about the pain, the incurable loneliness. I know this is part of healing. Pain I was not able to feel at the time I now feel. The anguish I was unable to bear at the time, I can now hold. The abuses, the suffering now is mine. All this is cascading on me all at once; no longer separated by time. Yet, I know I have overcome it all. All this was necessary to make me strong. To make me the person I am today and will become tomorrow. Past, present and future. We live in a different world. A world the uninitiated cannot understand.
A Second Observation.
The people who have let me down from the time of the rape to the time of recovery, no longer haunt me. I am able to say farewell to them.
Now, even more time has passed. The people I have clung to, that were in my life before the rape, to these people I can say goodbye. Life has opened up. I am fully alive again and strong. The demons that haunted me those long years are gone. The brain is back to functioning fully. I am able to do things I was afraid of. The world has opened up. The futures is in front of me.
Brain Games