Violent waves crashed around him as he struggled to the shore with currents pulling him this way and that. Finally, after what seemed an eternity, he felt sand against his feet. Struggling, coughing, only a few more steps to go. He collapsed on the beach trying desperately to catch his breath, filling his lungs with air, His heart still pounding, his muscles ached. Finally, safe at last. Everything was going to be all right.
He fell back to the sand. Rest. What he needed now was rest. His head hurt. He could hardly think but there was something else: something just beyond his memory. He tried to remember as the roar of waves crashing around him blasted away all thoughts.
There was something. Muscles spasmed from the cold struggle. Darkness, thick as the noise crashing on the rocks. Every breath stung. His hands cut and torn. He spit the salty taste back into the sea. Slowly, he remembered. His children. They were with him as they capsized. He tied the rope to them then aroundh is waist. Finally, He had made it to shore, but were where they?
Trauma takes time to recover. It may be there were no children when your adventure began. But now there are. We were unhealthy, in many respects we still are. But now, we have children and we don’t want to see them go through what we went through. How can we rescue them?
I met a lady who was quite intellectually competitive. Her greatest need was to have her self-worth substantiated. As a result, she would challenge anyone in competitions of all types. This competition gave her strength. And strengthened the people around her. Unfortunately, it also weakened the people around her as this competition often lead to arguments with her loved ones.
We have not talked about greatest needs. Because we are damaged in multiple area’s and our needs differ. Yet, they are the same. We need the damaged areas repaired.
If we are damaged relationally, we need repair relationally. This is why we keep seeking people yet cannot tell if these people are trustworthy. If we are damaged financially, we seek better credit cards or lottery tickets. We hope these will help alleviate our troubles.
Let’s take a look at our chart:
Level one: Physiological needs. Here, she would continue to improve her surroundings translating into the higher levels covered under artistic improvements.
Level two: Safety: Again, even if she is now in a comfortable home, she would continue to improve this looking for better.
Level three: Here, she is unstable. With a “Love/hate” competitive spirit, she will look for affirmation while competing. She challenges her loved ones to grow, but is disappointed when they do not grow fast enough. Her basic need here is to know she is loved and accepted for who she is.
Level four: Esteem needs: her competitive spirit, sends out cold prickles because she wants to know she is loved even when she is at her worst. While her self-esteem comes from her competition, her need comes from level three.
A look at how damage affects our needs.
Physical: If we are damaged physically, our need is healing physically. When we are hungry, we need to eat: Thirsty, to drink. A broken bone needs mended. If we are without shelter, we need shelter. Expand this on your own because the same principles will continue in the other aspects. Here we seek to fill our needs from doctors and hospitals, churches and shelters, restaurants, grocery stores, etc.
Emotional: When a person is damaged emotionally, the greatest need is comfort. If this comfort is not available, then one seeks comfort from people who cannot give it. This is where the cycle of abuse comes from isn’t it? We seek people who are unsafe for a bit of safety.
Psychological: meeting the needs of our psyche is difficult leading to a variety of searches: Psychologists, spiritualist and a host of other searches. Damage to our psyche is difficult to correct because the damage could be something else from somewhere else. What is the greatest need here? is depends on the amount of abuse that was received.
Mental: Again there is stress, there is a violation which reduces cognitive skills.
Spiritual: We question God’s care for us and his power to protect.
Sexual: if there is no assault, this should remain undamaged, yet assault is possible.
Financial: The parents are thrown into a long drown out legal battle at great expense.
Relational: How can we trust? Friends and family are gone.
Social: The social stability is broken. Trust is broken.
Environmental:
Conclusions