The emotionalis a vast array of internal feelings that not only react to our environment but projects itself onto our environment and others, allowing us to interpret and respond to events. A typical male has four basic feelings: happy, sad, anger, fear and frustration. (This is tongue and cheek.) A female has a rainbow of emotions and displays more than one simultaneously. Emotional health is when a person can interpret one’s own feelings and respond to stimuli appropriately.
“Emotional health can lead to success in work, relationships and health. In the past, researchers believed that success made people happy. Newer research reveals that it’s the other way around. Happy people are more likely to work toward goals, find the resources they need and attract others with their energy and optimism” – Key building blocks of success.
As I alluded to above, men do not recognize their feelings. This does not mean men have no feelings, it means these feelings are not recognized and are hidden deep within. When there are too many hidden and suppressed feelings, they explode uncontrollably. This is called anger.
Many times, a man might not even recognize that he is angry or sad until there is an eruption. This is because anger is not the real emotion. The real emotion might be frustration, confusion or embarrassment. It could be anything.
The trick is to ask, “Why am I angry?” “What was the trail that lead me to react this way?” Eventually, a man will realize that he is not really angry, but there was another emotion not able to get out. This is the real emotion. Anger is not the true feeling, it is the symptom of other suppressed feelings. Once we realize what we are really feeling, we can ask, “Why did I feel this way?” Someone did something that damaged us emotionally. It is not always damage. Constructive emotion can also overwhelm us.
I once attended a birthday party of a ninety-two year old friend. I had learned that he had played for Nebraska Cornhuskers back in the thirties (I later learned he was invited by Vince Lombardi to play for the Packers) – He was perhaps the oldest living member of the Cornhuskers. I told another friend who was a member of the Nebraska Football Association. The Association found a 1936 Team Picture and had it signed by Coach Tom Osborne. When the family gathered on his birthday, the framed, signed picture was presented. I can still hear his cry, “This is the best birthday ever.” After spending some time with these people, I went from this emotional setting to visit other friends as was my weekly routine. By the way, Twoof these family members had birthdays on the same day as me, and the one was born on the same day! As I attempted to continue in my routiene, I quickly realized that I was emotionally exhausted and was unable to visit with my other friends. I needed a break.
There are times when certain tasks, places, sounds or smells will trigger flashbacks. As we study these, we discover what triggers cause us to recall certain memories. We also learn what memories continue to haunt us and inject certain emotions. These are unresolved memories which the brain is still trying to sort out. Once they are sorted, they become a source of growth. Until then, these memories induce feelings and emotions that seem to be disconnected with our present day reality. These flashbacks and outbursts of emotions seldom have anything to do with either the trigger or the real feelings.
I remember while I was working in the packing house, my job was to check the temperature of hanging beef. At a certain corner, when I inserted the temperature probe into the carcass, I had a recurring memory of boot camp. There was no connection. But at that place, every day for years, that same memory would be triggered.
The memory was that of a girl saying “Hello” while we were waiting to be assigned to our unit. She invited me to meet her at a certain place. I did not. Forty years later, I wonder if the subconscious connected this one short conversation with trauma I had experienced years earlier. But that is the purpose of this book. To help connect how we were damaged in what areas, how it has affected us and how to overcome and heal. Then to go beyond recovery to new health. There is no direct connection but maybe there was an emotional trigger or a physical motion where some kind of subconscious connection was made. Nevertheless, why did the memory return only at that one location? After all, I tested the temperature in multiple places. And why only when I placed the temperature probe into the beef? I would pass that corner multiple times a day. The brain is a marvelous creation.
By the way, it might be that as you read this book and study this concept that old memories and new ways of thinking about them consume your day. For me, as I “Celebrate” the forty year anniversary of being drugged and raped by what I now recognize as a pedophile, I find myself thinking about certain events, possibilities and various reactions several times a day. These memories become a useful tool. Again, working backwards until I find the trigger and the original source, I use this as a reminder to seek God in Prayer. The theory here is that if the devil is causing me to remember these things to torture me, but instead I use them as a reminder to pray, then the devil will stop reminding me of them.
Now I hit a side note: If you do not believe in a devil that loves to keep us down by dredging up old memories, that’s fine. I am confident that you recognize the existence of evil and good in this world. These two are at war. If you can turn the evil into good, then good wins and evil is dealt a blow. Keep doing this and the evil past will become something for good. For me, the path is prayer: communication with the one true God.
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